maanantai 20. helmikuuta 2017

Kirjoitin tämän äsken Facebookiin, enkä jaksa kääntää sitä. Lopussa linkki ainoaan lauluun, jonka olen koskaan tehnyt huumausaineen vaikutuksen alaisena.


This is a song about the dangers of drugs! They probably won't ruin your life if you are a fully functional, emotionally stable and socially connected adult, but they can make you make really shitty music. I can now understand all the shit the Beatles made. Somewhere in the middle I thought I was Axl Rose, when clearly I was not. I don't recommend taking drugs to anyone besides those who have this completely distorted worldview, where Satan invented all of them and taking "one drug" (no matter which one or how much, just "one drug") instantly sends you hurling down the spiral that leads to addiction and crimes.

I have tried mushrooms (loved them), LSD (just to see the difference between this and forementioned. Didn't enjoy it as much.), cannabis (involunteerily, hated every second of it), and alcohol (hated it even more). Still any of these didn't turn me into a crazing dopefiend. I live my life sober and do all my art sober (this song is the only thing I have done while being "on drugs" and we can all agree it is shit. Some people may think it would explain my art, but I've been doing this for ten years now, and these experiences are all rather recent compared to that, so no, they are not "drug art"), just because I don't like being fucked up. I don't like being hazed and "somewhere else". I exist right here, right now. That is also the reason I did not detest mushrooms, since they were completely different from ALL the other substances mentioned. They filled my mind with clarity and provided me the first break from the continuous circle of self-hate I have been living in since I was born. The experience showed me my value as an artist, social worker (former, and after this, probably for good) and friend, how many people I have helped and the effect I have had in their lives. It didn't affect my art directly, but it kinda helped me understand what drives me musicwise and helped find the "right" notes inside my mind. It helped me give myself some slack. It was much needed.

Still, I don't feel like I have any sort of urge to "do drugs". I am completely fine, music was always the one drug I loved and still is. Actually, without music even those mushroom experiences would have been shit, because listening to music was what made them special, what drove my thoughts to new landscapes and helped me understand things. I never forget the moment, 5 past eleven when I sat in a comfy chair with the dog on my lap, listening to Dr. John's My Children, My Angels, tears running, it was one of the single most beautiful moments in my entire life, and for months even singing the song made me cry. That to me, was more a demonstration of the power of music than of the mushrooms, and what was even better, it demolished the need to make any difference. It just is what it is. Take it as it comes, whatever it is, because there is no other choice in life. It just ebbs and flows, and you float with it no matter what. There is no need to label people who take drugs, no need to label people who don't. I am known as a "straight edge"-kinda person, but I don't really give a shit if this wrecked someone's image of who I am. It would not be a complete image, if you were not aware of this side of it.

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